"Every small gust of wind only heightened the cool feel of tears streaming down her cheeks. Her hair danced wildly around her face. The wind whistled and howled; determined to drown down her sobs. She did not fight. Her skinny frame just stood there submissively, swaying gently in the brewing storm, inviting the winds to take her with it…
All the energy in her body seemed to concentrate on the one small handkerchief that her fingers clutched tightly. Yet it seemed her very soul repelled the fact that she be holding on to that spotless white cloth so dearly…like she had breached a forbidden territory.
She stared down from the edge of the cliff where she stood. Depth plummeted down to a vast emptiness below her…spreading like a sea of black nothingness. She felt strangely cocooned as she stared down at the space below. The feeling of being so minute comforted her inner turmoil. Hers was just another sorrow in this enormous existence. She was just another wretched soul. The insignificance diminished the magnitude of her hurt ego…
Her skirt flapped wildly around her legs while the empty black sea below her tempted her viciously. If she would just embrace it…the nothingness would gulp down yet another pain and like a sea, remain the same as before. It was incredible how darkly luring it was to never feel again…
She edged closer to take a better look…persuading her entire being to step into a trance which would ease the trembling. She allowed the tears to blur the darkness spread out before her and turning it into a confused haze of cloudy, murky and quivering mass…
She let the bag hanging down her shoulder fall to the ground. Her feet slipped out of her shoes and embedded themselves in the cool sand swarming her toes.
Her sobs returned with fresh gusto; reverberating in the noisy wind…making known the agony of her heart. She stretched out her arms in front of her, trying to take support of an invisible wall around her. She found none. There was nothing present there to hold up her shaking knees…except her own feet. As if a jolt shot down her spine she shuddred and for a second, hesitated. The comfort of the void below her seemed to grow faint. Yet she closed her eyes determinedly dragging her toes to the end of the edge where no further ground reassured her. This was the end.
Her arms still stretched out before her and by now she was crying openly…hoarsely; shuddering with the effort of her sobs. Her eyes remained tightly shut and she clutched the handkerchief tighter. Debris on the edge rolled down from her feet. Her face contorted in deep agony. Images flashed past in her mind fumbling to hold ground...but it was like swift slides coming and going...befuddling her sense of thought. The wind had gained momentum and seemed to push her further and further. Just one set further and she would find her peace. Her definition of 'peace' disturbed her and she struggled to ignore it. The conflict slowly wore out her resolve and she let out a low, deep moan. The images vanished. Her body tensed and then relaxed. She jerked her eyes open and with one swift motion threw the handkerchief into the wind.
All the energy in her body seemed to concentrate on the one small handkerchief that her fingers clutched tightly. Yet it seemed her very soul repelled the fact that she be holding on to that spotless white cloth so dearly…like she had breached a forbidden territory.
She stared down from the edge of the cliff where she stood. Depth plummeted down to a vast emptiness below her…spreading like a sea of black nothingness. She felt strangely cocooned as she stared down at the space below. The feeling of being so minute comforted her inner turmoil. Hers was just another sorrow in this enormous existence. She was just another wretched soul. The insignificance diminished the magnitude of her hurt ego…
Her skirt flapped wildly around her legs while the empty black sea below her tempted her viciously. If she would just embrace it…the nothingness would gulp down yet another pain and like a sea, remain the same as before. It was incredible how darkly luring it was to never feel again…
She edged closer to take a better look…persuading her entire being to step into a trance which would ease the trembling. She allowed the tears to blur the darkness spread out before her and turning it into a confused haze of cloudy, murky and quivering mass…
She let the bag hanging down her shoulder fall to the ground. Her feet slipped out of her shoes and embedded themselves in the cool sand swarming her toes.
Her sobs returned with fresh gusto; reverberating in the noisy wind…making known the agony of her heart. She stretched out her arms in front of her, trying to take support of an invisible wall around her. She found none. There was nothing present there to hold up her shaking knees…except her own feet. As if a jolt shot down her spine she shuddred and for a second, hesitated. The comfort of the void below her seemed to grow faint. Yet she closed her eyes determinedly dragging her toes to the end of the edge where no further ground reassured her. This was the end.
Her arms still stretched out before her and by now she was crying openly…hoarsely; shuddering with the effort of her sobs. Her eyes remained tightly shut and she clutched the handkerchief tighter. Debris on the edge rolled down from her feet. Her face contorted in deep agony. Images flashed past in her mind fumbling to hold ground...but it was like swift slides coming and going...befuddling her sense of thought. The wind had gained momentum and seemed to push her further and further. Just one set further and she would find her peace. Her definition of 'peace' disturbed her and she struggled to ignore it. The conflict slowly wore out her resolve and she let out a low, deep moan. The images vanished. Her body tensed and then relaxed. She jerked her eyes open and with one swift motion threw the handkerchief into the wind.
It flew haphazardly in the fierce winds like a wounded bird being tossed helplessly. She watched it with a strange detachment...as if she never owned it. Her body remained still as it acknowledged the warmth steeling through it among the cold, wild currents of the air. Then with another gust of wind it shot off forward and merged into the descended grey clouds.
Staring one last time at the darkness below her, she unconsciously rejected its illusionary comfort and reflexively ground her feet firmly in the earth. The uninviting darkness below her repulsed her immediately. Staring down at it one last time in cool disdain she turned around, picked up her bag, slipped into her shoes and walked away."
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The mythological bird, phoenix, is said to take rebirth from its ashes. Symbolically, the bird stands for resurrection or rebirth. I relate it to coming back from devastation. It could be death or coming out of an intense crisis. The above piece that I wrote represents a phoenix taking rebirth from its own devastation, the ashes. Similarly the girl lets go of the handkerchief, which is symbolic of what her troubles are, to start afresh. She comes out of her depression which has caused her to go to the extent of suicide but in the end realises that this option is an illusionary comfort and not worth giving your life away for. Thus she emerges from a major crisis. The phoenix ashes stand for courage and that is exactly why I named this short story so. In the end there is no one to support your "shaking knees" than your "own feet". Its your life. Its your fight. Its your problem. You either win or you lose.
1 comment:
whoa! hit me like a bolt from the sky.
author someone. proud. tc
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