Friends...

I've always been blessed with great friends as long as I can remember. Been incredibly close to them...maybe even more than my family. I've found one of the most special people among those and even made enemies out of the very same. However, even found best friends in enemies....and created bonds that will forever last. No matter how far we go, how long we dont stay in touch. I don't understand but with her things are different. She is the comfort of my soul. Don't plan to tell her that! I guess i'm way too shy...or maybe becoz it sounds too overboard. Though I know that only I can understand the conviction in that sentence.

Things weren't always perfect with her to be frank. I hated some things about her...truly hated them. Yet I had somehow accepted that, her flaws...were a part of the person i loved. Now that I look back on all that we shared I see that she did not get along very well with many people. Today when she's gone so far away I see those people leaving miss you messages to her when they were the ones who'd tell me how they hated her. Its so cruel. I dont say that once upon a time I didnt do the same thing. But then, I never knew her like i came to later. Leaving apart all the friends, she was the one who came the closest and even today she remains...like she left a part of her with me. I don't say that I was a true friend to her....i've been selfish...but somehow when it came to her....I wanted to be a true friend to her. She brought out the best in me. She feels like home. and I miss her.

When she left, I quickly moved on with my new friends. Though the beginning was tough but then it eased down. Yet somehow down he lane, my pace slowed down and the friendship we once shared compelled me look back upon it. and today my very soul aches for her. I never knew she was so special to me. What I shared with her...no friend can ever match up to it. I have the most amazing friends but somewhere--she's left her mark. It will remain like a scar all my life. Scars heal but they still remain. Just like she will.

I've realised that when you stick to someone despite their flaws...somewhere they realise it and appreciate it. She wasn't liked much by people mostly due to her nature...I don't know why I never let her go. I guess it was my gut feeling. Then I saw a side to her that made me realise she was my second half. Inspite of our different personalities...our souls went in the same rhythm. We talked about everything. everything means everything. She was a secret keeper. So was I. We shared a bond that lasted despite the distance. I guess this is how love is. Love goes beyond anything. Even death. For the first time, I actually acknowledge this fact. Maybe all that crap in the songs is real? :)

I see my siblings and I see the way they can't understand what I have. I dont know why but I think they don't realise the intensity because they never had such friends? I believe I've been lucky in this case. Well, thats what I think. Everything has a catch to it. Nothing is perfect. So wasnt our friendship. We had the rough egdes no doubt. Yet nothing was strong enough to dominate the goodness of it all.


Now that she's gone, I try so ever hard to move on. To find her in the faces of my other friends. Hoping to see a glimpse of her. The best part is...I see it. In the caring gestures they show---- in the arrogance of one of my friends, in the bursts of anger of another one, the fits of laughter of the other...I see her. and its beautiful. Though it still doesn't come close to the real thing they still help relive what I had. One thing I know that now that I'm so used to having friends that scares me how I'll move on without them. I still havent moved on from her. What about the nice ones I've got now? Hell...sometimes I hate change.

But now I see those very friends growing apart...bit by bit. Even me. I'm losing touch. I'm drifting away becoz its hard to hard to balance scattered friends. Infact I've started letting it be. It does hurt...hurts so much that its hard not to dissolve in tears. Its just that I've grown so tired of being the one who takes charge of putting things right. I love taking resposibility but this time I'm drawing back. Becoz i dont think I have strength in me to pull them back together again. It hurts so much though...

I hope its only rough patch and I'm waiting. But this time I think I'll only wait. The thing which demoralises me most is that I see them drifting away and they don't seem to care. As if it doesnt matter. As if it doesnt hurt. As if friendship means nothing...

I guess I'll have to learn to live alone soon enough...the only thing that comforts me is the memories that I have. The things that taught me alot, defined me as a person and gave me an inner strength to hold on in times like these. Thanks for not letting me break down.